Emotional Week

Boy of Boy what a week, sorry for not blogging I just didn't feel up to it. Now if you will just bear with me I need to write all about it, for me. So I must warn you this will be a very very long post.


Firstly before I start I just want to say thank you again to everyone who has left a comment for me on my BLOG or called me over the last week. Your support means the world to me and I really appreciate it. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends who care so much about me. Thank you.

Saturday: I received the first call from Jackie's sister-in-law letting me know that she had slipped into a coma and this time she wouldn't be coming out of it, and that the next call I received would be dreaded one. Yolanda was understandably very upset and had spent the morning at Jackie's bedside saying goodbye. When she rang she was on the Tullamarine freeway on her way to pick up Jackie's sister who was flying in from Queensland. While we were talking she said to me OMG Leeanne your not going to believe what has just driven by me, I never see these. It turned out that an empty hearse had driven by her, which she was a little freaked out by.

Anyway we hung up and not a 1/2 hour later she rang again to tell me that Jackie had passed away. and it had actually happened while we had been talking earlier when the hearse had driven by. (coincidence maybe, maybe not)

I cried, but not the flooding, sobbing kind of tears I thought I would, which I have done over the past 6 months. I felt numb but also a little relieved. Relieved for Jackie who had been suffering so horribly especially in the last 2 weeks. Relieved for John, the boys and her family who had sat beside her, around the clock watching her suffer. I can not ever really imagine what they have gone through.

I started to make phone calls to all the other mums from school who were friends of Jackie to let them know. I rang Andi first but she wasn't at home she was up at Southland (her fav place) and I could have rung on her mobile but I said to her later I didn't want to call her there as Southland is her Happy Place and I didn't want to ruin it for her. Andi like me was particularly close to Jackie and I wanted to let her know first. As soon as she heard she rang me back to say she was coming over, she arrived at around 4.30pm with a bottle of champagne and left around 12am. Karen and Phyllis and Rick (and their girls) also came around and it was so nice to have company and do a little reminiscing and reflecting with friends.

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Sunday: I must confess I was a little hung over but not to bad I had gone to bed around 2am but the girls woke up at 7.30am and I got up then. The Mahoney girls and Andi's daughter Georgia had stayed the night. Andi came to pick up Georgie around 10.30am and she brought around her photo album from her husbands 50th birthday last year at Morning Star Estate in Mornington. They're not great photos of Jackie and me, but we had a fun day, lots of laughing and goofing around as you can see. The photo of her and John is lovely though.

Sunday Neil also played in a band at the Chelsea Flower show and Bicentennial Park. He was helping out a friend who teaches guitar and singing to young kids. It's the D & A music school. They did really well and played about 4 songs. Sunday was a beautiful day here in Melbourne so I decided I would walk to the park along the Bike Path about 7ks. I needed to clear my head and have some alone time. I underestimated how long it would take me to get there and luckily got there just as the band started and to take a few pics.

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Monday: Jackie's family was still none the wiser on when the funeral would be, as the priest at Chelsea hadn't got back to them, even though they had rung him about 10 times. Apparently he has Monday's off. Go figure !! I thought Priests were supposed to be there serving their parishioners 24/7. How wrong was I. I'm not going to get myself going on the Priest, cause that would take a while.

The other thing that happened on Monday was when I got home from work I had an email from Scrapbook Creations saying they would like to publish one of my layouts. Woo HOo!!! I was so excited as I've never been published before. They want to do it as a Project so I have photograph some of the steps before I send if off. Not sure how to go about that really but Wendy has said she would help.

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Tuesday: I felt like I still hadn't had a really good cry about Jackie and was starting to worry myself that I hadn't. I certainly kept tearing up but no real tears, and for those who know me, you know I'm normally a big cry baby. Anyway that all changed around 6.30pm when John rang me and told me what a good friend to Jackie I was and that Jackie thought the world of me, and then he asked me to speak at Jackie's funeral. OMG I just burst into tears, I had that many emotions going through me at once I didn't know what to do with myself.

I was so honoured, privileged and terrified all at once. I said thank you but didn't think I could do it, but that I didn't want to disappoint him. He just very calmly told me he would understand if I couldn't, but maybe I could write something down and if I felt I could get up then great and if not that was Ok too.

I was just dishing up dinner when he rang so I went back to the table and told Neil and Madeleine was John had asked. They both said nearly in unison You can't do that. Exactly!! that's what I was thinking. Now don't get me wrong they certainly weren't trying to be mean, it's just that they know firstly I'm not big on public speaking and secondly I'm a big sook. All meant in the nicest possible of ways.

Then I rang Yolanda and Andi to discuss it with them. Both who kindly said that if I couldn't do it they would read it for me. Great I thought there's my out. I am such a coward. I also spoke to a few other friends who were very encouraging and said all the right things to me. Thank you girls.

Well there was no way I was going to sleep that night if I didn't stay up and get something down. I sat up until after midnight writing down my thoughts on Jackie, I wanted to keep it short because I knew there were a few of us (well Potentially) speaking, but wanted to say how I really felt about her and what she meant to me.

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Wednesday: I dropped my eulogy off to Yolanda so she could have a copy if she had to read it out. I just need to take a moment to say what a warm, wonderful beautiful person Yolanda is. She is an amazing women who always has time for you even though she has 3 young boys who are on the go the whole time. Over the last 6 months I have used Yolanda as my conduit between me and John and Jackie. She was the only way sometimes I found out what was really going and on. I can't thank her enough for allowing me to call her on a daily basis and sometimes more than once a day to find out what was happening.

Back to Wednesday I dropped in to Yo's after work on Wednesday and stayed for a few drinks with her and Jackie's sister Anna and her brother George. If I have to find a positive out of all this it would be that I have become friends with Jackie's family and they are truly lovely people.

So easy to talk to, so open and warm.

Then we had to head off to the Lang Warren Hotel for dinner with Julie, Anthony, Taylor and Alex. Sue, Greg, Stacey and Nick. We were there to celebrate Taylor's birthday of the 12th September and Alex's on the 23rd.

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Thursday: Neil, Madeleine and I headed off to St Brigid's in Mordialloc. Jackie's sister Anna was waiting for me when I arrived to give me a long stem rose. She had brought a dozen for some of us to lay on her coffin. When you walk in and see the coffin for the first time it knocks the breath out of you. It is such a confronting sight.

We all sat waiting for the service to start, Madeleine sat and held her Dad's hand through the whole service and cried, she was very brave. She loved Jackie so much. Anyway both George and Anna did a reading and while Anna didn't think she could do it she made it. After the priest had finished talking. John and both James and Jessie got up to talk about their mum. Jame's said what a wonderful mum she was and she their favourite and she gave the best hugs and kisses. She was the best cook and told her how much he loved her and signed it off from your favourite son. He was so brave through out and didn't shed a tear. Jesse who is seven said I love you Mum.

Then John spoke about his love for Jackie and the whole in his heart and what she meant to him and the boys. He spoke beautifully and then had to stop when emotions ran high. He has lost his soul mate and he himself is feeling totally lost at the moment.

Then Yolanda spoke and she told us about Jackie's academic achievements I learnt that Jack spoke fluent Japanese. How could I not know that. Jackie never bragged about herself. She told us of her love of antiques and good books and the colour green. What she meant to her and it was a beautiful reflection of Jackie. John's two sisters also got up and spoke about what she had meant to them.

Then it was my turn. I believe I had decided before I got to the church that I was going to do it, but what really cemented it for me was James and Jesse and how brave they were. Andi came up with me and stood behind me for support. This is what I said for Jackie:-

For Jackie

It’s so hard to know where to start, when talking about Jackie and what she meant to me. I feel so privileged and honoured that Jackie called me her friend.

She was generous, loyal and kind, and always made me feel welcome in her home, and that nothing was too much trouble. Jackie never liked to be the centre of attention and was always more interested in what was happening in your life rather than talk about herself. I can just hear her now saying

“so what’s new and what’s the gossip”.

One of the other things I have always admired about her is her dedication to her family, and to her two precious boys who she loved beyond words, and was so fiercely protective of. She would always jokingly say she would turn like a mangy dog if anyone upset her boys.

An extension of that, and another reason for thinking the world of her, was that she also extended that loyalty and protection to my daughter Madeleine. She was always telling me how great Madeleine was, or how clever, or how beautiful, or how talented. I will always be thankful to her, for making Madeleine feel so welcome and special in her home.
Jackie was so brave and strong through these last 6 months, and a real inspiration to those around her. She showed me what true strength of character is all about, in the face of adversity and made me realize not to take things for granted. To make it all count and tell the people who matter the most to you, that you LOVE THEM

Then Andi spoke and she was so calm she spoke beautifully. Then James got up with his Dad and played a piece on the keyboard. I can't remember the first song and then he played Que cera cera. Let me tell you there was not a dry eye in the house after that. He is an amazing young man and a real credit to his mum and dad.

After the church service we headed off to Gateway in Chelsea Heights for the little ceremony you have before her coffin was sent off.

They had coffee and sandwiches at Gateway and it was nice to relax and catch up with everyone. The kids really enjoyed each others company and it was nice see James and Jesse smiling. John who is such a private person found it hard to stand there, as everyone came up to give him their condolonces, but he made it through, which is a real credit to him.

From there we headed back to George and Yolanda's for drinks. We got back there about 1pm and I left around 9.30pm. I'm thing that wouldn't go home. I certainly drank to much champagne but it was really nice sitting and chatting with everyone throughout the afternoon.

I said goodbye to Anna, who I really feel like I could be friends with. It's a shame she lives up in Queensland.

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Well believe it or not that has taken me around 2 hours to write. If you made it through well done. I'm sorry I went on so long I just wanted to record it for myself.

Thank you again to everyone for your support

cheers

Leeanne x